> LOVE >

If I was drowning in the ocean,
would you jump in and save me?
If all I needed was one breath,
to escape death, reset, and take the next step.
Would you be there?
If I collapse fall back,
black out, and pass in my vomit?
Would you be there?
If I was at my lowest, would you even notice
my lowest, notice, my bogus
attitude aimed mostly at those who are closest.

Don't do it. Don't knock on that door.
Don't see that face.
That face that says your too late.
That says, "I could have loved you yesterday.
If you would taken a moment
to grab your balls and gather up your courage
you could of had your chance to love me.
Had your chance to have my hand
clasped in your grasp as we joke and laugh.
I could of been your illusion.
Instead of that booze your abusin'
to lose sight of the misery and confusion."

Euclid

I hustle, I hustle. One-to-one and unto.
I hustle, I hustle. One-to-one and unto.
I hustle, I hustle. One-to-one and unto.
I hustle, I hustle. One-to-one and unto.

I'm the perfect function.
I hustle with matched correspondence.
Cover ever possible player in the range.
When there's money coming in, its going both ways.
Growing to the max. Knowing that perhaps.
One day it could all crumble and collapse.
Doodling rhymes with cubic splines.
Trace 'um like fluid spewing out the spine.
Map a circle to a cline and call it a line.
Change the sign and shift it to the origin.
Once more, what's more important?
That pill or snortin' a portion
ranting problems are proportional.
A complex plane,
but I got my habit in a sphere...

I hustle  through crumpled paper in shuffles.
Stand at the mic and hope not to mumble.
Stumble through words that are muffled.
Fumble the syllables, crumble, recover, and
come back at more than twice what is double.

Oh! he's a poet and didn't know it.
but most of all didn't nobody notice.
No one knowing he was going and going
with uncontrollable motion
flowing like explosions microphone loaded
coastal tidal waves oceans implodin'
homeless and loathin' no clothin'
on jump street, jumping
looking to bump ugly's with a mummy
or anybody who's willing to love me.

Ego Integrity vs. Despair

Drowning in my misery. Isolated inside myself.
Searching for the smallest reason to reach out and
grab your hand. Finally tell you i love you. 
I won't though. I won't. I should, but I won't.
Don't mistake the space, as I hate your face.
You make me anxious. You make me wanna live.
The will to be myself has crushed you in despair.
A pair lacks singletude.
In this finite room comes infinitude's of doom.

"Oh, listen to this dude. Boo! Who! about gloom.
GET A CLUE! They didn't do anything to you.
You wrecked you. You couldn't leave things be.
Things had to be perfect. When things wer'ent 
you had to start cursin'. Throwing a temper tantrum.
Imagining nonsensical situations that you made up."

THAT I MADE UP!
THAT I MADE UP!
Did I make up!
You begging for a piece of my happiness!

I think I'm having an existential dilemma.
I seek the need for possibility, but only see necessity.
Snipped vasectomy, transcendental identity
skipped the Chinese and leaped straight off the balcony.

New Year.

I could blatantly state my hate for the world.
Go fuck yourself, get fucked, then fuck the fuck off.
I could respond in irrational anger.
Only, that's not why I came here.
I ain't came here by choice.
I ain't muffling my voice.
I ain't believing in none of that noise.
I ain't giving up. I only just begun.
Begin then realize I've bit off more than a chew.
Math. Woman. One. Chance. Blew. That.
I. Guess. That's. That. Fall. Flat.
I can't sit here. Sitting here. Wishing.
You were sitting here. Sitting here. Listening.
No, bitch I'm not talking about sympathy.
No, bitch I won't quit calling you bitch.
Why don't you switch,
the value you place on a syllable.
Why don't you quit asking my opinion
When I know your not hearing 'um.
Why don't you just walk that way.
And I'll walk mine. Fine.
You have mine. I'll find a new time.
A new day. A new year. A new life.
Bury that ugly bone they call the past.
Dig a spot in my heart.
Where it will forever last.

Grey

Once Upon a Time in SunnyLand.
I once knew a woman, and once knew a man.
Knew who I was, now that's not who I am.
Gangsta! Is what they always said.
Gangsta! I don't think any of us really knew what it meant.
Curiosity led to interest, which eventually spread to intent.  
Ingestin', inhalants and depressants.
Suppressed breath to pressed chest,
that sends a message, right next, to world's edge.

Blacked Out, Sleep Walking, threw Night Terrors.
Knelt Over, Dry Heavin', threw New Tears.
All dark and twisty, considering something risky,
and I'd rather regret it, than not.
Unraveled and tangled in spirals and knots.
Somethings tipping my homeostasis.
Left Pace wasted, placed under incarceration,
ejaculated in they face and walked away wavin'.
I'm aimin' for chalk on the pavement.
I ain't making another statement.
You take my affidavit and shove it straight up you anus.

Who is _______?

"Who's is _______?"

A seemingly simple question.
However, anything but a simple answer.
But we'll come back to this.

A seemingly simple afternoon.
Sun high and bright. Diner packed to the brim.
A corner both, perfect for the two of us.

Not a stranger, in the sense that I know her face.
Know her name, know she's good humored, and mostly sane.
Know, no more then whats been stated before.

"Who is _______?"

I could respond with accomplishments.
Thoughts of grandeur to quickly impress this chick.
Yeah, I handle my shit. and more shit on top of shit.
How I look at the world and see all this shit.
How I plan to fix this mischief I don't get.
I could tell her my hopes, my dreams, my thoughts, my worries.
I could tell her so many things,
that make things seem, less worse, then what they are.

The blatant truth is, I'm just depressed.
I just don't care.
Nothing is important to me.
I wanna care.
I wanna hold some thing of some value to me.
I hold no such item, no such thought.
No such, such and such.

This is a little bit of an exaggeration.
Honestly, I'm just average.
Not super intelligent, hard working, or dedicated.
Just a simple man, with simple plans.
Simple hopes of a quiet family.
A simple career, in a simple town.
Not a perfect house, but still a home.
Never thrilled, but still content.

"Who is _______?"

I'm probably more than I'm willing to show you.

unsure

I never thought I'd develop this sense of identity.

I never thought anybody would look at me, and see, anything except a fiend.

I never thought I'd be up at 3, thinking all these things.

Never thought I'd care about the ocean.

Never thought I'd see good people commit to, such terrible deeds.

I never thought I would live to teach.

Never thought parents would look and me and think.

"I wish my kid would grow up to be like he."

I assumed my life was doomed with gloom.

I assumed that I would turn blue.

I assumed I would still be sitting, in that basement, rotting with you.

I assumed love was true, not just a word.

Not just a statement, created, to take advantage of angels.
I assumed too much, I know.
I assumed parents would see me, and see evil.
"I wish my kid would find someone else, anyone except for he."

AfterLove

We all have, our place in this world.

Sometimes it's not, as great as we hoped.

While we still cope.

Sometimes its hard, to see through the smoke.

It's hard to even, think clear.

It's hard to sit, without you being here.

I hit the road, but the suns in my eyes.

No matter which, way I turn.

Something reminds me, of you.

.

It ain't worth it for me to smile.

Not having you to smile with.

.

It ain't worth it to fall asleep.

Not having you to wake up, by my side

.

Jokes just ain't funny.

Not having you to laugh along with me.

.

It ain't even worth it, for me to eat.

Not hearing the annoying clink, of your plate next to me.

.

Nothings the same as it used to be.

Sitting in my own home, even feels strange.

I wish I could show you how I've changed.

Only, I haven't.  I'm still the same.

.

I've progressed, but progress isn't success, or accomplishments.

It's only a millimeter in a mile.  Which doesn't make cents.

It's being 22 when projected death is 3x as long as this.

.

You can say, "I love you," but,

I would just quit.

This is moving all to quick,

for me to get a grip. 

And the way I see the stitch is.

You don't even know what love is.

The Break-Up

If you fucking wanna do drugs, then fine!

Just fucking leave me out of it.

I'm so sick of your shit.

It always seems like the same argument.

What the fuck, do you mean?!

You bring all this bullshit to me.

If there's something about me, you don't like,

then just fucking pack your shit and leave.

Come on, please!

You know, I don't want to leave.

I love you, I only care about you, 

I just want you, to care about you,

as much as I, care about you.

Honestly, I understand you, Baby I do.

The reality is, I'm gonna do,

what I wanna do, regardless of you.

What your doing is STUPID!!!

Don't you think I know that! 

I know I'm outta control, I just wish,

you'd fucking leave me alone.

It was just one, tiny, exstacy tablet.

If you ask me, your over reactin'.  

Over, reacting? Over, reacting?

I'll fucking show you an overreaction.

Why do you insist, on acting like this?

All I fucking want to do help?

Help? I don't fucking need your help!

Once, again if you don't like it, then leave.

All you fucking do is push me away.

You say, you only ate one.

Well, I found four more, on the floor board,

and I'm sure there were much more.

You gotta understand,

I didn't mean, for things to happen like this.

You mean, 

you didn't mean for this to happen?

Or you mean,

you didn't mean to get caught?

You knew, 

I was coming over tonight.

You know, 

how much I hate seeing you like this.

I just,
wanted to spend time with you.

Not this X'd out fool.

I know I always wreck everything. 

I'd apologize, but I've apologized

so many times, it really, doesn't mean anything.

I'm no longer asking, I'm telling you to leave.

Fine! If you don't care, how much I care.

I'll pack my stuff and leave.

much, much later.

I don't know who it is I'm running from faster.
Is it you or me? This house, this road, or this town?
Shuffling through women in digits.
Is it what it is or isn't it just a disguise.
That hides them from me. Or me from me?
Awkwardness tinted behind shaded frames.
Feelings concealed by minutes of giggles.
Hatred is trapped, still lurking.
Searching for a victim.
Disappearing into the pavement.
They say misery loves company,
So accompany me, with an extension cord,
to the edge of this balcony.
Face-plant and splat fast.
Crap my pants and brag about it.
An ass shake, takes heart break, and makes
a wiggle a little more, more than already is little.
I look low and high.  Feel more low, the more high.
I've drew a circle in the sand.
Go to grab my hand and fall flat.

I love the lady behind the desk.
It's not her hair, it's not her smile.
Instead, its what she represents.
She's the consistency I seek and need.
Wake up and eat, go to leave, wave and feel relieved.
Its silly I know, but at least I know.
when i go, there's someone to know, though i know i go alone.
Hit the pavement, avoid the rain, stamp my way down the lane.
Arrive to the same place I hate.
A zombified sheep, I leap and reach,
the conclusions they lead me to reach.
I think I'd like to think.
I'd like to think, but think it's hard to think.
I fall in line, hit the road, and travel to my abode.
The lady behind the desk smiles and waves.

Oppression

Now they don't want me to rap.
        They don't want me to speak.
        They want me to sit there and think,
        what they tell me to think.
Now they don't want me to rap.
         They dont want they kids, actin like me.
         When they put they kids,
         in environments, that they shouldn't see.

You ever...
Wonder when the clubs are gonna close.
When crunk music is gonna blow its load,
and we can all just go home.
But for some reason it don't.
It just continues to grow and grow,
till actin outta control just feels old.
You ever...
Stop to contemplate, exactly what it takes,
to design a scheme that leaves,
so many people in poverty.
It's ingenius if you see it like I see it.
As the record execs sit at they desk.
They plot what hit is next,
by what keeps us oppressed,
and stuck in the same mess.
Depressed, while they blessed.

Now they don't want me to rap.
        They don't want me to speak...

HOLD UP! STOP!
I'm the one who murdered Pac.
His lyrics conflicted,
bringing to much vision, to parents
we ain't want makin decisions.
We need the division.
So, they kids stay stuck,
in the same shitty conditions.

Circles

Bombed on insecticide, trying to hide.
How satisfied, I am with my life.
Writers block, Lack of self-reflection.
Not to mention, feeling invincible.
Words, Words, Words,
One, Two, many a words.
One, Two, many a memories.
One, Two, who grew but,
knew doom was soon.
I am not, not afraid, but
this does not mean.
I am not, not angry.
We can't stay stagnet forever.
Posted up in the same place,
talking about being a gangsta.
Talking about, talking about,
finally getting on up and walking on out.
Getting up and getting a dream.
Getting an exsistence that,
somehow means, something,
to some other being.
Life just isn't what I expected.

And Squares.

It takes one twist, of the wrist, for I flip the script.
Hit the tip, sit and sit with relentless, restlessness.
Amounts of worry that exist in infinite.
Gallons and gallons of liters pour through my pores.
Sweat soaks my sheets, but dreams,
don't sweep my sleep.  My heart beats and beats.
I think and think til I reach my peak.
Constant constipation, hand to knees.
Hoverin over the urinal, dry hurlin, hurtin towards perfect.
If my existence is worthless...
If my life really means nothing...
Then my presence is precious, and
my plight already holds everything.
Then, what am I searching for?
What statement may I create?
That might make the world feel more profound.
Dreams bleed, recede, and reappear as tears.
Pillars in mirrors, broken and shattered.
The echoes and echoes of laughter and laughter.
((KNOCK!!KNOCK!!))((KNOCK!!KNOCK!!))
          "Jimi..."          ,          "Jimi..."
             "...is something the matter?"
I quick gather an answer,
then flashback fast, right back to the past...

Giving Up

It's like I don't even wanna deal with it.
I'm fighting to keep a float.

It kinda feels like I'm crumblin,
meltin into the floor, being absorbed,
feeling a feel, of a feeling, I shouldn't feel.
I can't keep on top of the hill.
I'm king of this field.
Sand castles to build.
To topple collapse and just disappear.
Nobody notice I'm here.
I'm not quite sure why,
I've stepped into this sphere.

ha, ha, ha,

These jokes are a shield.
I use to deflect how I feel.
These suns are a fix.
That never change, how I feel.

StarDate

Now with all of my heart, I wanna be with you, but
If you ain't happy with me, then you can just leave.
I ain't tryin to be, the reason, the caged bird can't sing.

Granted, with every advantage. 
If I want it I can have it.
Blastin' from planet to planet.
I've seen things you couldn't imagine.
From simple to complex.
Civilizations blossom and multiply.
Grow, and quit all to quick, but
I keep moving through all of it.
This scene seems, outta my schema.
I can't believe, I'm actually seeing,
all of the things, I have been seeing.
I don't hit the bars, I hit the stars.
Straight from the moon, and left at Mars.
The shadow cast, fast, and grew past
the last batch of gas mass.

I know I ain't tellin ya, what ya wanna hear.
Just pack your stuff, and go on, and get outta here.
I can't deal with your screams, there making me be,
the kind of person, that I don't wanna be.